Edward and Jasper
by nomorepain
Summary: Edward and Jasper finally get Bella and Alice off their back and go at it in the forest Written like a screenplay.
1. Chapter 1

Edward and Jasper

Edward: I love you so much Bella!

Bella: (faints from his dazzling eyes*)

Edward: Thank god! Jasper! Where are you?

Jasper: I'm right here Edward, what is it... (sees Bella on the floor) Finally! Alice is on a

shopping trip. Meet you in a minute

Edward:*Winks*

(Downstairs)

Edward: Carlisle, I'm going to the store to get some groceries.

Jasper:(walks in on Emmett and Rosalie making love on the kitchen counter, averts his eyes)

Guys, I'm going to get my car cleaned

(Emmett and Rosalie don't look up)

Emmett: See you Jazz.

Rosalie: Harder, Emmett!

(Edward and Jasper leave)


	2. The meadow

(In the meadow)

Jasper: (staring at Edward's deliciously muscular chest) Edward, I've waited so long! (pained expression)

Edward: If only our stupid wives weren't so clingy!

Jasper: Hey, my wife isn't clingy, it's only stupid Bella that's always hanging on to you.

Edward: Don't talk about my annoying wife that way! (Lunges at Jasper)

(Jasper catches him and rips his shirt, Edward claws at Jasper's pants. Jasper can feel the lust emanating from Edward, Edward hears Jasper having all sorts of crude sex fantasies)

Edward: Jasper you fucking pervert (rips his pants off, and pushes him to the ground with a huge amount of force)

Jasper: Get the fuck inside me, man.

(Edward begins thrusting into Jasper's glorious butt)

(They roll around on the hard ground, killing some birds)


	3. tea party

(The forest floor begins to shake as though there were an earthquake)

Jasper: Edward, that feels so good! Ohh ohh ahhhh

Edward: (pulls out) Our relationship is so superficial, all we do is have sex!

Jasper: Umm, ok...what do you want to do?

Edward: (crying)I don't know! I just feel like we're not going anywhere!

Jasper: Don't cry Edward! Do you want to have a romantic picnic?

Edward: (Still on top of Jasper) *sniffling* I...I guess that would be ok. *face lights up* How 'bout a tea Party!

Jasper: All right! I love tea parties!

Edward: I'll get the biscuits!


	4. bear

(A few minutes later they are back in the clearing with a table set up. On it is a teapot, two teacups, biscuits, and some wild flowers that Edward picked)

Edward: Mmm! This tea is delicious!

Jasper: Thanks! I made it myself. Gosh, it's such a relief not to have to worry about Alice and Bella catching us.

Edward: Yeah, like that time we were kissing passionately while Bella was sleeping.

(A bear comes along and knocks over their table, Edward begins to cry again)

Jasper: Stupid bear! Making Edward cry! You're gonna pay! (Jasper tackles the bear)

Edward: (rips off the bears head) Jasper, you're so sexy when you kill animals!

(Jasper and Edward have sex over the bear's dead body)


	5. emmett

(Jasper and Edward frolic through the forest)

Edward: (taking Jasper's hand) I'm so sick of pretending! Jasper (looks him in the eye) Let's run away together!

Jasper: (let's go of Edward, shifting uncomfortably) Umm, Edward, I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. (Looks down)

Edward: It's because of Emmett, isn't it! I knew it, I'm just…just not big enough for you, am I? (Edward runs away through the forest)

Jasper: (sighs, than smiles) you can come out now.

(Emmett jumps out from behind a bush)

Jasper: God! Edward is such a pussy! I like real men…(eyes Emmett suggestively)

Emmett: Here I am, brother. (Emmett attacks Jasper, knocking him into a tree and making it come crashing down. Jasper's breathing is rapid as he makes eye contact with Emmett)

Jasper: Make love to me! (Emmett thrusts into Jasper over and over, causing more trees to come down and wild animals to run away) oww! Oww! Fuck, FUCK! (Emmett moans loudly)


	6. Rosalie

(Rosalie appears at the edge of the clearing, Emmett's back is turned because he is busy fucking jasper senseless)

Rosalie: Jasper! What the fuck are you doing?

Jasper: *pleading* Please don't tell Alice!

Rosalie: ok, fine, she would be really upset, I know I would if it were me.

Emmett: (turns around) Oh, hey Rosalie.

Rosalie: Oh hey Em-AHHH! Oh my god Emmett, your gay??

Emmett: Sheesh Rosalie, take a chill pill, your killing my boner. Don't worry, I'm bi.

Rosalie: Oh, umm ok. (Runs into the forest, then cums really fast underneath a tree.) Oh, my god, that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen! And wow, Jasper's is huge! It might even be bigger than Em-(Rosalie notices Edward crying under a nearby tree) Edward! What are you doing here?

Edward: (looks up through long tear-stained lashes) Oh nothing, just getting my heart broken! (Begins to cry again, than stops) Rosalie, why are your pants so wet?

Rosalie: (blushes furiously) Oh, umm… no reason, umm I umm went in my pants, I mean, no no, umm I mean I fell in the river, I mean-fuck it, Edward, you're the one crying like a girl!

Edward: Yeah, *sniff* the person I love doesn't love me back.

Rosalie: (confused) Bella doesn't love you?

Edward: no, I was having an affair with Jasper.

Rosalie: You too?! What is wrong with these vampires??

Edward: What do you mean you too??

Rosalie: I just saw Emmett fucking Jasper in that meadow back there, and wow, let me tell you-

Edward: Ahhhh, I feel so much angst! (Gets out his notebook and starts to write emo poetry)

Rosalie: Wow, my family is screwed up. (Goes to watch Emmett and Jasper again)


	7. alice and bella

(meanwhile at the Cullen house)

Bella and Alice are in the hot tub.

Bella: It's nice having our husbands away for awhile. We can do girly things.

Alice: Yeah, like have sex in the hot tub. Haha just kidding. Unless…

Bella: Actually, that's not a bad idea!

Alice: I haven't had sex with Jasper in like a month.

Bella: Yeah and Edward is always so angsty! It's getting really annoying.

(Alice looks at Bella's supple breasts in her skimpy bikini and is instantly turned on. Bella begins kissing Alice's dainty neck gently, untying her black top and letting it fall in the warm water. Bella moves her hands in circles around Alice's perky breasts, then pinches her nipples.)

Alice: Ouch! *giggles* Gosh, Edward and you must have fun together, lately Jasper doesn't seem turned on by me at all.

Bella: (In a husky voice) Shut up Alice! Edward complains enough, I don't need another whiner. (Alice grins)

Alice: I've always wanted to try this…(Alice sits on Bella's lap and begins grinding her hips into Bella's thighs. Bella squeals. Alice goes faster and faster until Bella orgasms, but she doesn't stop because she thinks Bella is enjoying it, harder and harder, then she begins digging her finger under Bella's bathing suit, not noticing Bella's wide open eyes, and jabs it HARD.) How's that for complaining? Bella? (Alice smells something way too delicious. She opens her eyes finally to find the clear water turning red before her eyes. Bella's blood smells so good, she forgets that Bella is her best friend. Alice can't stop herself and starts drinking the bloody water, but it is too diluted so she goes right to the source, Bella's vagina. The blood is gushing out now and Bella is barely conscious. Alice sucks the blood from between her legs, licking the soft hair and eventually puts her tongue inside Bella. Bella blacks out completely.)


	8. esme and carlisle mike and jessica

(Meanwhile Esme and Carlisle are in the dungeon of their house, Esme is hung up by handcuffs from the ceiling wearing just lingerie, Carlisle is whipping her half-heartedly)

Esme: ahhhh! Carlisle, I'm bored. Can we play cops and robbers or something?

Carlisle: Me too. I feel like we've been playing this game for 100 years.

Esme: We have!

Carlisle: Oh yeah. I have an idea…come to the park with me. (leaves)

Esme: (still in handcuffs) Carlisle!

Carlisle: Sorry.

In the Park

(Mike and Jessica are kissing on a park bench)

Mike: Oh Bella! I love you Bella! Your mouth is so soft!

Jessica: Hey! What did you just call me??

Mike: ahh I mean Jessica! Jessica, Bella, you know, same thing.

Jessica: We sure as hell are not the same thing! Fuck you Mike.

Mike: Whatever Jessica, you're a skank.

Jessica: Hey look there's Carlisle and Esme!

Mike: gee, Esme looks sexy! Is that a corset?

Jessica: (slaps Mike) You perv!

Mike: ow. (Carlisle comes over)

Jessica: Oh, hey Carlisle! (bats eyelashes) How's Edward?

Carlisle: Umm he's fine. Hey can I ask you guys a favor?

Jessica: Yeah sure! Anything for you Carlisle.

Carlisle: We got bored playing sex games (Jessica's mouth fall open) We were wondering if we could race with you guys.

Mike: (staring at Esme) sounds like fun! Ending line is the tree.

Esme: Actually we were thinking something a little different. Mike, get on your knees. (Mike does, Esme gets on his back and pulls the whip out from behind her back)

Giddy up Mike!

A few minutes later Carlisle is on Jessica's back and Esme is on Mike's back. They are neck in neck.

Esme: faster Mike! (Hits him with the whip)

Mike: Wow Mrs. Cullen…

Carlisle: Shut up Mike. Come on Jessica! (hits her ass with the paddle he was using on Esme, Jessica blushes and crawls faster)

Esme: I'm winning! Hey I know! Loser has to rape Edward!

Carlisle: OK.

Who should win the race?


	9. race

Thanks for all the comments guys! Sorry it took so long, school just started again.

(Jessica is gaining on Mike)

Jessica: Now who's coming faster?

Mike: That's what she said.

(Jessica is about to win and Carlisle leans down so to have less air resistance, accidentally pressing his thing into her back. Jessica stops because she is about to have an orgasm, Mike and Esme pass her)

Esme: Ha ha Carlisle, now you have to rape Edward

Carlisle: (blushes) umm, oh damnit, that will certainly be a new experience…not like anything ever happened in those 100's of years that we lived alone together…

Esme: (distracted by a dandelion) What Carlisle?

Carlisle: Nothing

Esme: Bye Mike! Jessica, you're such a whore.

Carlisle: Bye. Esme's right.

(Carlisle and Esme leave)

Jessica: Oh god, Mike I'm so hot right now! Please rape me.

Mike: Me too! Ahh, whatever, you're ugly but I'm sick of being a stupid virgin.

(Mike and Jessica have sex behind a park bench)

Jessica: Oh Edward!

Mike: Oh Bella!


	10. edward and carlisle

(Back at the Cullen house)

Edward: Hmm, I wonder why this door is open…Whoa! I didn't even know we had a dungeon! (goes down to write more emo poetry)

**I am struck dead in the dark**

**Like thunder in my eyes**

**You twist my arm into a **

**million pieces of black pain**

**A rotting stench in my heart**

**As I dip below**

**Angst angst angst**

(Carlisle appears at the top of the stairs)

Carlisle: (in seductive voice)Hello Edward

Edward: (not noticing) Oh hey Carlisle

Carlisle: (taking a step forward) What are you doing down here?

Edward: My life doesn't have meaning anymore

Carlisle: (Walks down the stairs) Well, maybe I could give it some meaning

Edward: Umm, what exactly were you thinking?

Carlisle: (grins mischievously) he he (pulls down Edwards pants)

Edward: oh no. help. Oh well. (bends down)

Carlisle: (forcing himself into Edward) Ahh, just like old times

Edward: Oh wow, You are so much better than Jasper! Ahhh…

Carlisle: (still shoving his dick in Edward) Really? You and Jasper? Hmm, I can't see it

Edward: ooohh! Yeah, it's been going on for a few years now. Fuck, fuck!

Carlisle: (busy) What were you doing in the Dungeon?

Edward: Jasper broke up with me, but I'm kinda over him.

Carlisle: Umm, Edward, I'm done, why are you still making sex noises?

Edward: Umm…

Carlisle: Well, bye.

Edward: (gets on his knees) Please come back tomorrow!


	11. rosalie and edward

Edward gets up early in the morning

Edward: Rosalie! What are you doing here, masturbating so eatly in the morning in the kitchen?

Rosalie: Oh I just couldn't sleep. you know how it is, no one wanted to have sex with me.

Edward: OMG! I totally know what you mean! Hey I have an idea...

Rosalie: Ewww that's gross.

Edward: Yeah I know

Rosalie: I hate peanut butter! Thats what you were gonna say right, stick it up there to stimulate the senses. I heard that helps.

Edward: Umm, yeah...I umm...read it on a blog

Rosalie: Ok good. Anyway, yeah I wish I had a sex partner. Hey, maybe we should have sex together!

Edward: weelll, i guessss, never thought of you like thatttt butttt...OK!

Rosalie: Ok Edward, come here on top of me. I always like humping in the kitchen. (Edward humps Rosalie)

Rosalie: Oh god! Oh god Edwaarrdd! inside me!now!

Edward: Are you sure...OK!

(Edward and Rosalie rip off the rest of each others clothes, edward sticks it in her)

Rosalie: Final...eeee!

Edward: eww gross Rosalie, that was like one seco...eeeee!

Rosalie: hehehe we don't have very much endurance. I just learned that word on urban dictionary.

Edward: yeah, umm, Rosalie, can I have a...can you suck my...

Rosalie: Peanut butter?

Edward: ...Blow job!

Rosalie: okkkk, but I don't rea-(Edward sticks it in her mouth) MMPHF!


	12. Carlisle and Rosalie

Rosalie: *choking*

Edward: You like that, Rosalie? You like that? *mumbling* you want manhood, I'll give you manhood, fucking Emmett, thinks he's so fucking big...SUCK HARDER ROSALIE YOU FUCKING HO, IM GONNA FUCKING...OUCH! (Rosalie bites down, Edward's penis falls off cause of Rosalie's razor sharp teeth, but it runs back to Edward and reattaches itself onto his thies)

Edward: YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHORE BITCH! YOU DON'T DESERVE MY PENIS INSIDE YOU. (Edward storms out)

Rosalie: gosh, i love it when they get mad like that, so sexy...mmhmm!

(Carlisle walks in, notices Rosalie naked on the floor, with semen and cum all around her, muttering to herself)

Carlisle: Oh my god! I really should NOT have seen this! but...Esme...Rosalie...old woman...whore...oh well.

(pulls off his pants, standing over Rosalie's head)

Carlisle: Suck me, bitch!

Rosalie: huh? wha...

Carlisle: (slaps her) I'll teach you to behave! Now what did I say? suck me? that's RIGHT. now do it! (Pushes her head onto him, then reaches down and squeezes her nipples)

Rosalie: (begins sucking his dick gently)

Carlisle: Harder! (reaches down and puts a closed fist between her legs, pulling out fresh white liquid. Rosalie spasms)

Rosalie: ARGH!

Carlisle: You're such a fucking dirty hor! You nasty piece of shit, cuming for your own dad! You like it when I dominate you, don't you!

Rosalie: (nods her head ashamedly)

Carlisle: You are such a loser! No daughter of mine...I'm gonna fuck you senseless and you better not tell a single soul. Especially Esme. (Whispers in her ear) *Now cum for me girl, you make me feel so dirrtyy*

Rosalie: *gasps* (cums into his hand, Carlisle rides her like a horse for a few hours)

Carlisle: Why have I not raped all my children before?


End file.
